There are two ways to look at this sexy and potentially salacious gambling story mere days from the start of the college football season.
One, Oklahoma quarterback John Mateer gambled on sports, despite his public denial.
Or two: somewhere in these amber waves of grain and purple mountains of majesty, is a Texas fan who spent time investigating the rival team’s quarterback, found his Venmo account, saw the alleged “inside jokes” and dumped them in the social media world of shoot first, aim second.
And away we go.
“My previous Venmo descriptions did not accurately portray the transactions in question,” Mateer wrote on X. “But were instead inside jokes between me and my friends.”
Which, of course, means absolutely nothing in the social media sewer of guilty until we say you aren’t.
We don’t know if Mateer gambled on college games, and was twice dumb enough to pay off bets via Venmo with memo lines that read – I swear I’m not making this up – “sports gambling.”
We don’t know, and frankly the NCAA will never know unless the benefactor of those two Venmo payments (“Richard Roaten”) drops dime.
Or maybe – and I’m just spitballing here – Mateer and his friends played a stupid joke as freshmen, and word eventually got out. Because if there is no there there, the exposure of it all is the story here.
The Iron Bowl. The Egg Bowl. The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.
Welcome aboard, Red River Rivalry. You’ve finally earned your SEC stripes.
It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a wonderful day in the neighborhood, won’t you be my … rival.
To be fair to the SEC, this fun OU/Texas sideshow less than two weeks from the start of the season doesn’t hold a candle to Harvey Updyke and “I got too much Bama in me.”
Or Tennessee coach Phil Fulmer refusing to attend SEC media days for fear of being served legal papers from a hoity-toity attorney who just happened to be a huge Alabama fan.
The visual of media hovering around a speaker phone to hear Fulmer say he can’t discuss legal proceedings gave new meaning to media days carnival.
Or a fired Tennessee assistant coach faxing ball plays to Florida coach Ron Zook days before the annual rivalry game.
Or Hugh Freeze’s – ahem – exposed log of calls to ‘massage therapists.’
All of those wild and true stories originated and were exposed, in one form or another, from the rival school. Or in Updyke’s case, from sheer stupidity.
Which brings us all the way back to Mateer. You’d have to be pretty dumb to not only gamble on games, but pay off bets using one of the world’s largest payment apps. With, you know, a memo explaining exactly what you did.
Because when you’re balancing your checkbook (Google it, kids), you need to know where that cash went.
“I have never bet on sports,” Mateer wrote on X. “I understand the seriousness of the matter but recognize that, taken out of context, those Venmo descriptions suggest otherwise. I can assure my teammates, coaches and officials at the NCAA that I have not engaged in any sports gambling.”
There, that should do it. Especially considering the NCAA’s ever-evolving stance on gambling, once the ultimate sin of amateur sports.
That’s sarcasm, everyone.
Because now you can gamble on your phone inside stadiums during games. Heck, LSU and Caesar’s Sportsbook signed a multiyear sponsorship agreement in 2021 for – again, I swear I’m not making this up – naming rights to the Caesar’s Sportsbook Skyline Club at Tiger Stadium, and signage displayed throughout the stadium.
The SEC just last year began distributing weekly injury reports for games because, you know, fans need the info.
So yeah, if Mateer did gamble on games (allegedly), you better believe they’re going to throw the book at him, baby. But have no fear, Netflix will turn it into a three-part series glorifying the unfairness of it all, so Mateer will at least recoup some of the lost wages.
And somewhere above the fruited plain, from sea to shining sea, a Texas fan will get a 10-gallon belly laugh.
Then take the Longhorns and lay the points in the Red River Rivalry.
Matt Hayes is the senior national college football writer for USA TODAY Sports Network. Follow him on X at @MattHayesCFB.